Sunday March 16, 2014

Hello All....

Well what do i say about today. I had a WONDERFUL day! 

I went to church around 9:45 this morning and once i walked in i felt kind of awkward because i know that everyone was looking at me like "Chai! Ada where have you been?" That's what i don't like. Missing church. Because then i feel like i have to get to know everyone all over again. But i couldn't help not being there the past few weeks. First the strep throat came and then it went away and how lucky was i when it came back 2 days later and i ended up being stuck with it for about another week. Honestly I'm so tired of being sick but that didn't stop me from getting a bladder infection recently. Well actually i won't know the complete results until tomorrow but whatever Dr. Khoo basically said that's what i have. Hopefully after this i won't be sick again for a very long time. I'm taking good care of my body thanks to Lent. On top of all that my dearest Dada passed away on March 7, 2014. That subject will also be for another time.....I don't feel like crying tonight.

So back to why i had a good day. My uncle picked me up and then we were off to church arriving there in about 10 minutes. SO i went to bible study which i attend with the adult classes. That is, I'm one of the youngest people in that class if not the youngest. It was really nice but I'm trying to have something to say during Bible study. I want to put my word in and really get involved in church. 

Now service started and it was just wonderful today. I prayed for so many people and i feel like my prayers were heard today. The topic was the relationship and understanding between children and their parents. I'm slowly dealing with my feelings towards my father but one thing is for sure, I will never feel the same way towards that man again. It is only through the divine intervention of the Lord. The message was straight forward and the testimony that Sister Chibuzor about the problem she was having with her left eye and how it eventually led to her coming to U.S. and finding + becoming closer to the Lord. It really let me know that God will speak to me during His own time and that I should stop trying to rush whatever it is that I'm rushing & focus on school and growing closer to him.

And I'm rambling again...

Okay so what I learned today is that I'm changing. I mean i knew i was changing last night but church today really confirmed it. After service i went to grab a snack because I've learned that De Ben will not accept me skipping meals. Why i do it i don't know. ACTUALLY, I do know.......I'm still trying to get comfortable in the church and get to know people. I just want to be accepted. Just like anywhere else i go once i get that acceptance then i will calm down a bit and not feel so much as if i need to be on my toes. No lie, uncle Festus is the only one that understands this. Very handsome man with a BEAUTIFUL wife and GORGEOUS baby girl. I don't know what it is with Nigerians having baby girls first but i think it's cute. In the words of Flavour "Ada dey for everywhere, we get am for up and down". 

Yes people, more pidgin.

Haha, so anyways it was actually after church that i felt so much at home and so loved. Nobody understand s how much i truly love this church. It's like a dream. It's the closest thing i have to Nigeria. I went to talk to my girl and ask her what's wrong and she told me everything and i couldn't help but feel so bad for Nana because she wants out and i know that feeling. On top of that it branched from what's happening with Uzi. That boy is one of the strongest people i've EVER met. Because to be told what he was told today and keep his head up shows maturity. I want to make it a project in my life to make sure he goes somewhere and makes something of himself and proves everyone that is disappointed in him WRONG! I believe in you Uzi.

And shout out to my little boyfriend in church who i owe some skittles and $4. You're adorable.

So aside from that, i talked to Nana and told her that she needs to keep it together and i also talked to Uzi and told him that he IS somebody and that he'll prove everybody who has given up in him wrong. The kid has potential and lots of spunk he just needs to be focused. I think this is a good thing for him though because this is the mist focused I've seen him in the what?, 10 years that I've  known him. You can do it sweetie. 

Anyways, i decided to start being a teacher for the kids 5 and under at the church. I love it and i love being involved with small kids. I'm actually afraid that I'm not going to be able to have kids but i refuse to worry because i need to rememebr that with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I will surely have my 7 kids one by one or even 2 by 2 by 1. Whatever. So next Sunday will be my first Sunday with the babies and i just can't wait to get involved with them and allow them to be comfortable with me. I also decided to do choir. Yeah the choir needs help that's all I'm going to say. But today was a LOT better than what I'm used to hearing so we're getting somewhere. God is working his miracles.

And i just wanted to express that this is the ONLY church that i can be at for more than 5hours and not think anything of it. The way i see it when you go to church you shouldn't have to dwell too much on the time and waiting to get out of there and for my whole life that's what church has felt like. It's nice to leave my house at 9:38, get there at 9:47 and be there until 3:48 without the time phasing me. You're supposed to immerse yourself in God when you are at church and just let go and get the fill that you need. I think very soon i will start attending Bible Study.

It's almost 11:59 again so let me just say what is on my mind. A very big CONGRATS to the sister that was sitting next to me in church today. I wish you a very happy marriage and can't wait to attend later on this year. I know you will be pregnant for sure thi s time next year. 

And to my lover, I'm still deciding whether or not i should fight for you. But i want you to be happy. I ALWAYS want you to be happy....

Until next time .. 

Just To Brief You On Who I Am

My name is Adanna. Ada for short. If you reognize the name from Igbo tribe in Nigeria then CONGRATULATIONS, you're correct. That's what i am. A simple Igbo girl living in California right now missing the hell out of her country. I'm 19 as of today but i turn 20 September 10. 

Wow! 20 years no be small thing. And if you recognize that as Pidgin English then you are also correct. I taught myself. The truth is i am completely immersed and obsessed with my country. It's simply where i belong. In my case you can take the girl out of the village (though i reside in Aba for the most part when i'm there) but you can never take the spirit of the village out of her. I could have everything taken away from me today and be sent to the village for years and years and honestly i would be fine with it. I'm just common. I guess there isn't much that is special about me. Though i'm sure those who are close to me will beg to differ.

Let me be real with you all. I'm a very simple girl.I like to shop and do everything most girls like to do but deep down they aren't necessities. If you told me that the only shopping i could do for the rest of my life would be for my children then i would deal with it. I adapt. I'm a pushover. People walk over me all the time. "Oh Ada you're so beautiful", "Oh Ada, any man would be happy to have you", "Oh Ada, you are beauty itself", "Oh Flo, you are DEFINITELY going to get married first". All things i don't like hearing. 

And YES my birth name is Florence, Ada by default. I'll get into that another day.

I see myself in a very pathetic situation these days. You see all those things i've been told. But things have happened that make me feel as if i'm not worthy. It's like guy's meet me and they love everything about me then eventually i just become boring to them or they lose interest. Or sometimes both.Either way, one or the other happens. To anyone that's reading this please understand that i'm not mad. I'm just frustrated. Why at 19 should i worry that i won't find a husband. I mean seriously am i born in the right time?

Anyways i've left that to God. I just want a solid relationship with Him. That's all that matters right now and that's all i actually crave. 
Ada will you ever be enough for somebody to not get bored of you? Is it a sin that i don't give up on the person that i would like to be in a relationship?

Anyways, it's 11:59....enough for today....